It took me 16 years and a second abortion to regret my first.
I was raised in church. While growing up, my mom taught me how to put on the Armor of God, but the world waged war against my morals and, for a period of time, the world won.
I was 16 when I terminated my first pregnancy. When I confided in my Christian mother that I was pregnant, she gave me two options. She told me about the same choice she had once made, too. Generational curses are real. So we made the phone call, made the appointment, and took care of the crisis. Or so I thought.
From there I spiraled out of control. I broke my own heart. I betrayed myself. I spent the next 16 years trying to repair my heart and didn’t even know what was wrong with it. I had a son at 19, and his father passed away unexpectedly shortly after the birth. I was the best mom I could be given my circumstances. I bounced between jobs and worked my tail off just to have my own place and a car. I survived, but I had very little joy. I had a broken heart that I coped with but never conquered. I used men and allowed them to use me for gratification that never satisfied.
At 32 I was pregnant again … but I knew right where to go. I knew how to take care of the problem. This time it was different, though. I had one child. I knew I was more than capable, but the baby’s father made it clear he did not want it. I even called him from the parking lot of Planned Parenthood. An abortion was not what I wanted this time! I was an adult. I knew it was wrong.
But I still went in there …
Planned Parenthood is a corporation of lies. The ultimate betrayal of a woman is telling her that she won’t be successful if she doesn’t kill her baby.
I had just started a business. I was finally doing well financially. I went ahead with the procedure anyway.
The second I left Planned Parenthood, I had an overwhelming feeling of fear. I knew I had just done something very wrong. I honestly was afraid I was going to be punished by God.
I turned up the radio and drove home as fast as I could. I did everything to bury those feelings. I smoked and drank trying to numb the pain. Within a couple of minutes things got weird. My son and I had found a stray kitten the day before, and suddenly this healthy kitten became very sick. She was lethargic and cold to the touch. I tried to save her life. I took her into the sunshine, held her, and tried to revive her, but she went limp and died in my hands. I panicked and began screaming and crying. I then thought about how just hours before I had taken my own baby’s life and didn’t respond anything like this.
At that moment I dropped to my knees in my garden and begged for God’s forgiveness. I was forgiven, redeemed, and then given a mission … to build my business into a prolife ministry. I was on fire for God again!
Three years later, at 35, I fell into a whirlwind romance. I became pregnant and found myself alone again. I kept making the same mistake over and over, but this time was the worst. This man mentally abused me.
My very first thought was … I know how to get rid of this problem.
I had found a great church, I had found my voice in the prolife movement, yet here I was considering abortion again! The father even posted my messages contemplating abortion on social media for all our friends and family to see. That’s when I made a conscious decision to live by the truth. We are made with a purpose. We are born in His image. I was having this baby!
My pregnancy was rough, but I had a lot of support. I worked the entire time, and every client stood by my side. I named my child Grace, because that’s exactly what she gave me.
Today Grace is 15 weeks old, and she comes to work with me every single day. My clients love seeing her, and I have encouraged other working moms. I make good money, I am self-employed, I make my own hours, and my baby never leaves my side. Grace is a blessing!